Why Can’t We Be Friends?

I’ve been wondering about friendships. In analyzing the groups of friends I associate myself with, I’ve become interested in an observation I made. I try to find justification for keeping each one of my friends around. It’s not that I think that I’m too good for anyone; trust me, I don’t think that way … It’s that for someone to be in my life, I want there to be a reason for having them around. This doesn’t mean that I want them to be a means to my end, it means that there has to be something more than an acquaintanceship. If I’m investing my time and effort on someone, I want the return of the enjoyment of their company for as long as possible.

In what I’ve been thinking about, I’ve come to realize that I don’t have very many female friends. You might think that my justification for this is religious, but that’s not the case at all.

Allow me to explain.

In picking my friends, I strive to create a relationship that I expect to last eternally. You just don’t go out looking for temporary friends. However, that’s what I feel like friendships with the opposite gender essentially are. For the most part, I think that this is the case. I hate to sound like I’m generalizing, but tell me this isn’t true . . . you probably had a friend of the opposite gender who you were close to at one point (I’m not saying that you were “into” each other, or even that you were platonic, I’m referring to just a “friendship”). If that person has gotten married, has the relationship between you and that friend changed at all? I’m guessing that you are not as close to that person as you once were. Could you even call them a friend anymore? I think the correct term would be an “acquaintance” because that is what your friendship now amounts to.

The truth is that people change after marriage. In that change, their attitudes towards their old friends of the opposite gender also changes. I’m not saying that this is the case with everybody, but I think that this is probably the default. I don’t know why this is the case … and I wish it weren’t the case, but now I’m pretty firm in my belief that this is the case. I guess it makes sense to an extent, people get married and the only person of the opposite gender that they really need to concern themselves with is their significant other. But then that makes me wonder … what were you expecting from our friendship in the first place? Were you only concerning yourself with people of the opposite gender because you were single? Was it really a friendship in the first place? I just like to wonder what was going through your head when we were friends? I know people who unfollowed EVERY person of the opposite gender that they ever knew from every social media platform after they got married or engaged. I’m not trying to argue whether this is the best practice or not, that’s not for me to judge (not that you care, but, I think that’s pretty ridiculous).

So taking everything I discussed above into consideration, I now go back to my point about investing in friendships that I expect a return from. The “return” I expect is the pleasure and joy of one’s company for as long as possible. Considering my observation about about people changing their attitudes towards people of the opposite gender after marriage, I never felt the need to invest in friendship with females if I could already see the end result in my head. But then again, not to say that every female stops talking to you after marriage, I’m just saying that it’s hard to predict if they will. Same goes for guys. I rather invest my time and effort in friends who I know will be there for as long as possible. I don’t want friendships that only last until marriage.

But to each their own. You have your opinions, I have mine.

Why Can’t We Be Friends?