How to be Obnoxious – Adidas Ultra Boost

If I told you that Jesus once walked on water, would you not agree with me? Now would you believe me if I told you that I once walked on a cloud? No f*&king way!!! I submit to you that I have indeed once walked on a cloud, and for doing so … I am obnoxious, materialistic, and a horrible human being. What makes me different than the rest of the obnoxious assholes out there is that I don’t care. It’s a lifestyle. This is all vague. These words mean nothing to you. You are confused. The truth is: you know nothing … absolutely nothing!

What if I told you that Zales, Jared, and Tiffany’s are all going out of business? I’m crazy, right? Nope. There’s a new way to ice yourself. There’s a new way to acquire diamonds. These diamonds are different. Diamonds on your feet. I bet this post is hard to read. Let me put it into words that you may better understand . . .

The ads referred to it as “the world’s best running shoe”. Ok Haseeb, that’s enough. What the hell are you talking about? Adidas Ultra Boosts, of course. Three ways you can describe them. (1) So damn scarce. (2) Resell value, so freaking high. (3) But so f*@king worth it. I’ve owned these precious diamonds for just a couple of days and I am nothing less than impressed.

As soon as I put them on my feet, I knew. I felt something come over me. A new level of confidence that I had never felt before. The same way Lil’ Bow Wow got good at basketball after finding Jordan’s shoes, I became good at life after popping these on my feet. I didn’t need anything more. No booze, no boobs, only BOOSTS were sufficient. The name is fitting. Everything was boosted. The shoes boosted my ego, my obnoxiousness, my testosterone, my hormones, my confidence, and my Deen. Never have I felt so humbled and conceited simultaneously. It felt as if the gates to heaven were opening before me as I was bringing the pen down to sign my soul away. It felt so wrong, but felt so right.

Okay, let me be serious for a second and tell you about how they actually felt on my feet. They fit kinda snug. You may want to try 1/2 a size larger than your normal fit. The comfort level is beyond any other shoe I have ever put on. The shoe might run slightly narrow, but this doesn’t matter because the top of the shoe is knit. It takes its shape around the top of your foot like a piece of mesh cloth.

They’re running shoes, but am I going to run in them? Hell no!!! These are my casual wears. I also noticed that the traction on the bottom of the shoe seems a bit thin. If I did take it out for a run, it might wear pretty quickly. The best part of the shoe is the cushion. It is architected in such a way to provide the perfect mix of balance, comfort, and support. The shoe retails for $180. If you are trying to get the all-white, it’ll cost you a bit more. The shoe is a bit pricey. HOWEVER, I don’t know if you know this, but …

Basically, if you don’t have these shoes, you are not cool. You cannot sit with us. You are not a Kanye fan. You are not materialistic. And worst of all, you are not a certain hindi word that starts with a “ch” and ends with a “t”. Congratulations, you are not obnoxious.

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I know this blog is supposed to be a compilation of my thoughts. Don’t just take my word for it. You can’t hear it from my mouth all the time. I really think that a second opinion is necessary. So here is what one of my good friends has to say about the Ultra Boost.

“People ask me why I spend 200$ on shoes …. I chuckle and tell them why would someone spend 200,000k on a Ferrari?” – Mohammed Hassan

The following is a picture of my friend @omarmirza_ trying his best not to get sweat on his shoes.

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How to be Obnoxious – Adidas Ultra Boost

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