The Instagram Comment Paradox

*what you are about to read, do not try this at home

There’s one thing that is totally weird to me. I just don’t understand it. It’s the biggest double standard known to mankind . . . and no, I am not exaggerating. If a girl does it, it’s perfectly okay. Actually, I’ll go further! It’s more than okay, it’s actually encouraged. It’s so encouraged to the point that if a girl doesn’t do it, it’s probably wrong. On the other hand, if a guy tries it, he’s the devil. If he even thinks about it, he’s labeled by society as a “thirsty pervert”. I’m being vague again. If you haven’t realized by now, it’s just my style of writing. Starting out vague and then being specific. But what on earth am I talking about? This scenario can apply to a whole array of things, right? You probably see it all the time, but you don’t think twice about it, it’s just that okay in our world.

Let me set the scene. Pretend you’re me, you’re Haseeb for a second. Lucky you. You’re one of the greatest humans to ever walk this earth. Congratulations! Remember, you’re a boy. Just pretend to be one, if you already aren’t. If you’re already a boy, pretend to be a man. You open up the Instagram app on your phone. ASTAGHFIRULLAH! Leena Sayed and Taz’s Angels are looking great. Masha Allah. You nod your head in appreciation as you scroll down to the next picture. Okay, you see a few pictures of quotes and shit. You scroll even further down. A picture of one of your “boys” falls into your gaze. It’s a picture of him standing in front of his car. The comments in his picture seem legit. You read that some of them say “nice bro”; “digging the whip”; “asshole”. You also notice one comment by a girl saying “cool car”. You feel that it’s a dry comment, but whatever. Fair enough, you would expect to see comments like that. That’s just the type of comments that a picture of that nature warrants. You nod your head in agreement and scroll down even further.

Now things get interesting. You see a friend of yours, who is also a human being of the opposite gender, also known as a female. You are friends with her, but just that … “friends”. It’s one of those pictures that society calls a “selfie”. COOL. It’s actually not that impressive. It’s just a picture of her sitting in the driver seat of her Honda Civic with a camera pointed at her face. There is one interesting thing about this picture. It is consumed in a light. This is not the type of light that they call a “noor”. You know what a noor is… that light you get on your face when you pray a lot, or something. I never had one, so I can’t explain it too much. The light on this girl’s face is a light of a source called the “sun”. It is clear to you that she went out of her way to find a spot where the sun would hit her face in such a way to allow a photo to be taken with perfection. As a matter of fact, you can’t point out a SINGLE blemish on her face. Further, you can’t even point out where her nose is. Her nose just does not exist on that picture. Ok, enough about the picture. That’s not what this post is about. Rather, this post is about the comments. You scroll down beneath the picture to see what people have to say about it. You see that her caption says “all-natural”, you know that this is so far from the truth, but you are able to look past that and forgive her for it. The single most interesting thing about this picture is the comments. A total of 112 likes and 15 comments. You open the expanded view of the comments section and notice something interesting. All girls. All saying THE SAME EXACT THING USING DIFFERENT WORDS AND DIFFERENT EMOJIS. “SOOO GORGEOUS”; “MARRY ME”; “LOVE”; “SO HOT”; “MY GF”. You think to yourself: “why is it okay that girls are saying this?” So, you decide to conduct a social experiment. You decide to join those 15 girls who commented. You decide to comment something similar to the above comments. The reaction people have to the comment that you just posted is beyond anything that you could have ever fathomed.

Congrats! You are now a perverted, deviant, weirdo, degenerate, lowlife freak. How could you have posted that on her picture? Do you not know that society functions on such a double standard? I mean, it only makes sense for society to function this way. In a world where we shun gay people. It’s perfectly fine for girls to comment homosexual comments on another girl’s picture. But when a guy does it, even in much lesser of a form than that of the homosexual variety, he is a demon stalker.

I’m not writing this post in an attempt to alter the status quo. In fact, I think that it should stay the way it is. The purpose of this post was to point out the entertaining comments that girls get on their pictures and the fact that if a guy had posted the same type of comment, he would face the repercussions of a horrible label. Society accepts homosexuality when it wants to and accepts heterosexuality when it wants to. The situation just has to be fitting. Well, I don’t know what the point I’m trying to make is anymore. It’s just funny to me, that’s all.

 

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The Instagram Comment Paradox

How to be Obnoxious – Adidas Ultra Boost

If I told you that Jesus once walked on water, would you not agree with me? Now would you believe me if I told you that I once walked on a cloud? No f*&king way!!! I submit to you that I have indeed once walked on a cloud, and for doing so … I am obnoxious, materialistic, and a horrible human being. What makes me different than the rest of the obnoxious assholes out there is that I don’t care. It’s a lifestyle. This is all vague. These words mean nothing to you. You are confused. The truth is: you know nothing … absolutely nothing!

What if I told you that Zales, Jared, and Tiffany’s are all going out of business? I’m crazy, right? Nope. There’s a new way to ice yourself. There’s a new way to acquire diamonds. These diamonds are different. Diamonds on your feet. I bet this post is hard to read. Let me put it into words that you may better understand . . .

The ads referred to it as “the world’s best running shoe”. Ok Haseeb, that’s enough. What the hell are you talking about? Adidas Ultra Boosts, of course. Three ways you can describe them. (1) So damn scarce. (2) Resell value, so freaking high. (3) But so f*@king worth it. I’ve owned these precious diamonds for just a couple of days and I am nothing less than impressed.

As soon as I put them on my feet, I knew. I felt something come over me. A new level of confidence that I had never felt before. The same way Lil’ Bow Wow got good at basketball after finding Jordan’s shoes, I became good at life after popping these on my feet. I didn’t need anything more. No booze, no boobs, only BOOSTS were sufficient. The name is fitting. Everything was boosted. The shoes boosted my ego, my obnoxiousness, my testosterone, my hormones, my confidence, and my Deen. Never have I felt so humbled and conceited simultaneously. It felt as if the gates to heaven were opening before me as I was bringing the pen down to sign my soul away. It felt so wrong, but felt so right.

Okay, let me be serious for a second and tell you about how they actually felt on my feet. They fit kinda snug. You may want to try 1/2 a size larger than your normal fit. The comfort level is beyond any other shoe I have ever put on. The shoe might run slightly narrow, but this doesn’t matter because the top of the shoe is knit. It takes its shape around the top of your foot like a piece of mesh cloth.

They’re running shoes, but am I going to run in them? Hell no!!! These are my casual wears. I also noticed that the traction on the bottom of the shoe seems a bit thin. If I did take it out for a run, it might wear pretty quickly. The best part of the shoe is the cushion. It is architected in such a way to provide the perfect mix of balance, comfort, and support. The shoe retails for $180. If you are trying to get the all-white, it’ll cost you a bit more. The shoe is a bit pricey. HOWEVER, I don’t know if you know this, but …

Basically, if you don’t have these shoes, you are not cool. You cannot sit with us. You are not a Kanye fan. You are not materialistic. And worst of all, you are not a certain hindi word that starts with a “ch” and ends with a “t”. Congratulations, you are not obnoxious.

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I know this blog is supposed to be a compilation of my thoughts. Don’t just take my word for it. You can’t hear it from my mouth all the time. I really think that a second opinion is necessary. So here is what one of my good friends has to say about the Ultra Boost.

“People ask me why I spend 200$ on shoes …. I chuckle and tell them why would someone spend 200,000k on a Ferrari?” – Mohammed Hassan

The following is a picture of my friend @omarmirza_ trying his best not to get sweat on his shoes.

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How to be Obnoxious – Adidas Ultra Boost

Would You Want to Leave Heaven?

So in 2014, I had the bright idea to attend law school. What a genius I was? Worst decision of my life! No, not because law school sucks, that’s a different story for a different time. This was the worst decision of my life because it involved me leaving heaven. Seriously, what the hell was I thinking? If you have never lived in Fort Lauderdale, you would never understand. Actually, even if you live in Fort Lauderdale, you still won’t understand. South Floridians have it good! 80 degree temperature, sun, beaches, and best of all … FITNA! They say you don’t know what you have until it’s gone. That is true. I spent 21 years of my life in South Florida and only after I had left was when I started to realize that I never took advantage of it or cherished it.

I find it rather troublesome when people say that they want to get the hell out of South Florida. I only ever hear this from people who have lived in South Florida their entire lives without ever leaving the city. My only reply to that stupidity is: “why in the hell would you want to go and do that?” Do you not know what you are blessed with? God put you in the best city in the States! I challenge you to go to at least 5 other states and tell me what’s there. There is not much north of us besides New York City.

The justification I hear from people who say they want to leave is that they hate the people in South Florida… To that I must respectfully reply: “So f&$k1ng what?” Are you really ready to leave your HOME because a few people bother you? How are you going to let a few people make you want to take all your things and leave your home? If you let random people influence and dictate the trajectory of your life, you won’t be happy wherever you may move to. It’s not a South Florida problem, it’s a “you” problem. And I’ll tell you what, the people up north aren’t much better than the ones down in South Florida. I can tell you now, ignoring people is a hell of a lot easier than gathering all of your shit and leaving a city. You don’t need anyone besides close family and friends influencing you to move to a different city.

Some people move elsewhere for economic opportunities. However, there’s a fallacy in this logic as well. Just ask Ben.

Money can be made anywhere.

Well, maybe I’m just missing home a little too much so I keep finding myself advocating for it. At the end of the day, the SoFl life is the life for me. It’s home. But to each their own, I guess.

 

Would You Want to Leave Heaven?