Chivalry is dead. We hear it all the time: “where are the REAL men?”; “why are guys such jerks?”; “there are no gentlemen left on earth” (by Earth, they usually mean South Florida). I’ll tell you exactly what happened to chivalry . . .
I may be generalizing and exaggerating in the title of this post, but I really think that there is some truth to it. When I say women, I don’t mean all women, I am referring to a particular subset that I find rather unpleasant. Women who don’t trust men are the reason why chivalry is dead. What do I mean by “trust”? I mean that I can’t open a door for a women, give up my seat at a table for a women, or give a girl my jacket if she’s cold without coming off as “wanting” her. God forbid that her friends are with her. I know exactly what the conversation would turn into if I were to leave the scene. “Oh my god, I think he likes you.” Maybe 99% of the time, this cannot be further from the case. Some men do nice things because they are nice men. It used to be called “being a gentlemen.” Now, it has become something else.
Maybe I’m incriminating women a little too much here. Maybe men are the problem. Maybe the men who do nice things only to give a hint are what ruined it for the rest of us. Now, we can’t do nice things out of the goodness of our hearts without coming off as interested. On the other hand, maybe it’s not the guy’s fault at all. Maybe girls who think this way should just stop thinking this way. There used to be this thing called “benefit of the doubt,” I would appreciate if I were to be given it. Assumptions and jumping to conclusions are what killed doubt. Just because a few men do nice things to quench a little bit of thirst does not mean that the rest of us are out here to do the same. This generalization has led a certain females to not trust men. I’ve seen men being given the cold shoulder after simply trying to be chivalrous. Every nice thing done is no longer merely just a friendly gesture, but a hint.
Maybe this is why chivalry is dead. Men have stopped doing nice things for women because women have created this stigma that doing nice things equates to crushing on them. Some men gave up doing nice things for women just to prevent being perceived this way. I can assure you that most of the time, those things are unassociated. If I lend you my jacket, I am not sending a message or giving a hint. Girl, don’t flatter yourself. Don’t try to judge or assume my intention. Instead of trying to wonder why I was being nice, just say thank you, be cordial, and move on with your life and let me move on with mine. All I ask is that you trust that I’m not out here to hit on you. Maybe then, men will no longer be afraid to be chivalrous.
There might be something that I’m not seeing here. I could be completely wrong with all of this. This post isn’t meant to attack women, but rather, an observation that holds true for at least myself. I know that I wouldn’t practice chivalry if it meant putting myself in the position to be at risk of suffering the negative effects of a label if my intentions were solely to be courteous and kind.
I’ve been bashing [a certain type of] women a little too much in this post. While I argue that some women need to control their expectations and assumptions, this whole post has just envisioned a single scenario. Outside of this scenario, men are not without flaws. In the case that a man and a woman are already together, whether married or engaged, there is no reason for the man NOT to practice chivalry. In this case, a man should practice courteousness and respect without expecting anything back. I’ll be the first to admit, most men have fallen short of our duty here and this is far from what our mothers have taught us.