Women Killed Chivalry

Chivalry is dead. We hear it all the time: “where are the REAL men?”; “why are guys such jerks?”; “there are no gentlemen left on earth” (by Earth, they usually mean South Florida). I’ll tell you exactly what happened to chivalry . . .

I may be generalizing and exaggerating in the title of this post, but I really think that there is some truth to it. When I say women, I don’t mean all women, I am referring to a particular subset that I find rather unpleasant. Women who don’t trust men are the reason why chivalry is dead. What do I mean by “trust”? I mean that I can’t open a door for a women, give up my seat at a table for a women, or give a girl my jacket if she’s cold without coming off as “wanting” her. God forbid that her friends are with her. I know exactly what the conversation would turn into if I were to leave the scene. “Oh my god, I think he likes you.” Maybe 99% of the time, this cannot be further from the case. Some men do nice things because they are nice men. It used to be called “being a gentlemen.” Now, it has become something else.

Maybe I’m incriminating women a little too much here. Maybe men are the problem. Maybe the men who do nice things only to give a hint are what ruined it for the rest of us. Now, we can’t do nice things out of the goodness of our hearts without coming off as interested. On the other hand, maybe it’s not the guy’s fault at all. Maybe girls who think this way should just stop thinking this way. There used to be this thing called “benefit of the doubt,” I would appreciate if I were to be given it. Assumptions and jumping to conclusions are what killed doubt. Just because a few men do nice things to quench a little bit of thirst does not mean that the rest of us are out here to do the same. This generalization has led a certain females to not trust men. I’ve seen men being given the cold shoulder after simply trying to be chivalrous. Every nice thing done is no longer merely just a friendly gesture, but a hint.

Maybe this is why chivalry is dead. Men have stopped doing nice things for women because women have created this stigma that doing nice things equates to crushing on them. Some men gave up doing nice things for women just to prevent being perceived this way. I can assure you that most of the time, those things are unassociated. If I lend you my jacket, I am not sending a message or giving a hint. Girl, don’t flatter yourself. Don’t try to judge or assume my intention. Instead of trying to wonder why I was being nice, just say thank you, be cordial, and move on with your life and let me move on with mine. All I ask is that you trust that I’m not out here to hit on you. Maybe then, men will no longer be afraid to be chivalrous.

There might be something that I’m not seeing here. I could be completely wrong with all of this. This post isn’t meant to attack women, but rather, an observation that holds true for at least myself. I know that I wouldn’t practice chivalry if it meant putting myself in the position to be at risk of suffering the negative effects of a label if my intentions were solely to be courteous and kind.

I’ve been bashing [a certain type of] women a little too much in this post. While I argue that some women need to control their expectations and assumptions, this whole post has just envisioned a single scenario. Outside of this scenario, men are not without flaws. In the case that a man and a woman are already together, whether married or engaged, there is no reason for the man NOT to practice chivalry. In this case, a man should practice courteousness and respect without expecting anything back. I’ll be the first to admit, most men have fallen short of our duty here and this is far from what our mothers have taught us.

 

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Women Killed Chivalry

The Anatomy of the DM

Yo Gotti couldn’t have put it any better when he said that “it goes down in the DM”. I can attest to the fact that it truly does. I won’t lie and say that I haven’t tested my luck. I also won’t lie and say I have actually had any. Since when did we think that it was socially acceptable to add random people on social media and “slide” into a stranger’s DMs? In a world where tinder exists, we’ve made casual meetings online perfectly acceptable.

I guess it makes sense to explain what “sliding into someone’s DMs” means before getting into my opinions on it. DM is short for “direct messages” and “slide” basically just means “send”. Instagram and Facebook have provided for the most casual form of communication with someone who you’ve never met before without looking like a total creep. It has become absolutely okay to add a stranger of the opposite gender, perhaps in a different state (and sometimes different country) and send them a flirtatious message.

For someone who has never attempted this, you may be thinking … “how does someone who engages in this practice NOT come off as a thirsty SOB?” Well, sometimes you might. People have become wimps. Men have lost the balls to walk up to a person of the opposite gender and start a verbal conversation. We have come down to using our fingers to hide behind a screen to meet people. It is a great shield of nervousness. However, it’s also part of the reason why society has lost the ability to communicate in-person. I could look a million times more confident in a direct message encounter with someone than if I were to approach them in person and say something to them.

On the other hand, I don’t think that the direct message is such a bad thing. I could tell within a few exchanges of messages whether a conversation is going anywhere or not. The best part of the DM is that you can stop messaging. In a real conversation, you can’t just walk away. Again, this accounts for why people are increasingly becoming cowards and losing the ability to communicate with people.

The question comes to mind, how can someone slide a DM and make it look casual? You want to show interest, but not thirst. Easy! I’ve slid enough to know how to do it. BUT, I’ve never been successful, so take this all with a grain of salt. Step one, find someone. Step two, add them. Step three, like their last five pics. Step four, slide them a message asking a question. I would usually go with, “hi, random question, might sound weird but I’m just curious, are you (insert ethnicity here)”. I’ve started conversation likes this, and they all seemed okay. But again, I’ve never hit the jackpot, so maybe I shouldn’t be giving this advice.

All in all, I’d say sliding the DM might make you look like a pansy. However, I think that there is one scenario where the DM has revolutionized communication and completely changed the game. That scenario is called: “The Brown Community”. If an aunty has ever seen you talking to a girl in person, you’re done. This is where the DM has changed it all. You see a “potential” at a dawaat and then it becomes perfectly okay to add them and slide into their DMs mentioning that you saw them at a dawaat. The conversation should just flow from there. I should probably reiterate, I’ve never been successful doing this, so don’t try this at home.

If you are reading this and I’ve sent you a DM: sorry, but I may have been genuinely interested.

And mom,

The Anatomy of the DM

Why a blog?

If you know me, you know that I’m full of opinions. For the past few years, I’ve been sharing thoughts through social media. One thing I realized about social media is that it is essentially your opinions being shoved down the throats of your followers. A question that troubled me was: do your followers really want to follow you? Or are they just following you because you “kinda know them” and it would offend you if they unfollowed you?

Think about it, people that you “kinda know” have you added on snapchat. They can’t delete you or block you because it would offend you. At the end of the day, they keep you around, whether they want to or not. They ultimately put up with your snap stories and tweets because they have to. You’re just another person on their newsfeed. You are either being ignored or “tapped through” by people who don’t really care. They can ignore you or tap through you all they want, but the one thing they cannot do is delete you because that would just create unnecessary drama and grudges.

I’ve grown quite a following on snapchat. The reason for this is definitely the Selena Gomez selfie that I copped about a year ago. That instagram post got me over 1,200 likes and a number of passive followers on snapchat and instagram that I don’t even know (mostly teenage girls). I don’t care about those followers and they don’t care about me. My other followers consist of people I’ve met over the past few years. I have no way of knowing whether people care about what I have to say. If they don’t care, then I don’t think that these are the kind of people that I want to share my opinions with. I rather share my opinions with people who care about them rather than someone who would tap through them or scroll down without giving my writing any further thought. This the beauty of the blog. It takes an extra step. I know that if you are on this page and made it this far down the post, you care enough to click on this link and read through this unnecessarily long compilation of words. You are the person I want to share my thoughts with.

Whether anyone is reading is this or not, it will be here. I will always have opinions and venting makes me feel better about them. I’ve always liked writing and putting things out in the open. I need a new outlet that’s not snapchat or twitter. The point of this blog is not to get famous or attract any attention, but to get thoughts and opinions that weigh heavy on my brain.

Maybe I’m overthinking the role of social media and blowing it all out of proportion. Maybe it’s not that I want to share my opinions with a different audience (people who care). Maybe it’s just that my opinions don’t fit within the confines of 140 characters or 10 seconds. Whatever the reason may be, writing just feels good.

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